A Friendly Chat – Riverdale

Eric: I’m watching Netflix’s gritty reboot of Archie. It is weird

Me: Lol jesus…

Eric: They’ve killed someone already.

Me: I heard that’s the main crux of the show

Eric: Archie might be banging a teacher.
Eric: Yup…
Eric: Definitely happening.

Me: Miss Grundy?

Eric: Yes

Me: Sexy Grundy or Ancient Grundy?

Eric: Sexy grundy

Me: A-whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

Eric: Yes

Me: “Grundy, for exam, here is dick. A+?”


Me: Riverdale, produced by Netflix and Brazzers

Eric: Lol

Me: Riverdick lol
Me: Is it worth my time, from what you’ve seen?

Eric: Betty’s mom just got a sack full of cash

Me: Why?

Eric: It was from Betty’s dad, who might be going to prison.


Eric: Jury’s out so far on the show lol

Me: I get it. If it was a straight adaptation, it’d be boring as fuck
Me: But jesus.

Eric: They’re punching up everything lol

Me: “Archie, popular kid for inexplicable reasons. Kind of a loser.” “No, won’t work. How are his abs?” “What?” “He needs rock hard abs. If he’s gonna fuck the entire school faculty, but be ginger, he’s got to have dem abs.” “…he’s gonna fuck the staff.” “Yep. Every member. Janitor on up. Men, women, everyone. It’s 2017.”

Eric: “… Fuck it. Alright. We’ll roll with it.”

Me: “There’s gotta be an episode where he’s too sad to fuck. It’ll be the downer episode.” “That’s not…that’s not really a sad story.” “You haven’t seen how we’ll make this kid fuck. Also, wouldn’t you be sad after all the murders?” “…yes.”

Eric: Lol
Eric: Shit, Jughead and Archie are ex-best friends with some history. We’re walking into straight grimdark now.

Me: Think one’s gonna murderfuck the other?

Eric: Jughead is a gloomy blogger/writer
Eric: Maybe? Who’s to say for sure?

Me: Does he blog about cheeseburgers and malts?

Eric: Blogs about murder, and this sordid town of Riverdale

Me: The wretched hive of scum and villainy

–One Hour Later–
Me: I almost started watching Riverdale
Me: But instead I’m watching a documentary on rats

Eric: Not the most comparable shows

Me: Debatable


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